Mastering Crucial Conversations 

     We are stuck! We have been in a rut of traditional, teacher-centered instruction where minimal student-centered learning takes place. This one size fits all traditional model of instruction along with the global pandemic have both led to major gaps in students' learning. In order to get unstuck and begin making a change in the positive direction we must harness the power of technology to create a blended learning model that gives students choice, ownership, and voice through authentic learning opportunities. Along with my colleagues, Veronica Balli and Ileana Reyna, we share this vision for our organization. We want to personalize the future of education by implementing a blended learning instructional model that targets students' unique needs. 

     Although we have a well thought out innovation plan and have learned strategies to influence and execute change, it is not enough. Our innovation plan will still cause a major disruption at our campus sparking the need for self-differentiated leaders and crucial conversations. Change is hard and having conversations about implementing change can be even harder. We know that people might have differences of opinions and have strong emotions and anxieties that can cause communication to break down. As self-differentiated leaders of change, we must be the non-anxious presence that stays connected to others.  According to Patterson et al. (2012), when stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions start to run strong, casual conversations transform into crucial ones. As self-differentiated leaders and catalysts of change, my colleagues and I must be able to have crucial conversations with our administration and staff, without taking on the emotions and anxieties of the group, in order to get them on board with the change we seek. By using the 7 Principles to Master Crucial Conversations as a guide, we can participate in and master the conversations that will influence change in our organization. 

 

​

​

7 Principles to Master Crucial Conversations

 

​

 

 

 

 

 

​

Start with the heart

     According to Sinek (2009), people don’t buy WHAT you do, they buy WHY you do it. In order to be successful at having the crucial conversations that can lead to change, we must first start with the heart, our hearts. By reflecting on OUR motives and what we really want to accomplish, we can ensure that we stay focused on our vision. As I ask myself, “What do I want for myself and for others?”, I can’t help but think back to my WHY. Why do we do it? Well, we believe that in order for students to be successful, they deserve to have learning that is customized to their needs. This is my motive. This is what I want to accomplish.

 

Learn to look

     When in the midst of having crucial conversations involving change, we must learn to look. Look for verbal and nonverbal cues that the conversation is becoming stressful or that safety problems are arising, such as when someone gets quiet and withdrawn (silence) or on the opposite side of the spectrum and gets upset or defensive (violence). This principle will help me understand what to look for when having discussions about change in my organization. It will help me know when the conversation is beginning to go south and when to stop the conversation in order to build back safety. 

 

Make it safe

     According to Patterson et al. (2012), when others move to silence or violence, step out of the conversation and Make It Safe. This can occur by deciding which condition of safety is at risk, Mutual Purpose or Mutual Respect. Ask yourself, “Do they trust my motives?” “Do they believe I respect them?” If you have violated their respect in any way, then apologize. If there was a misunderstanding, then fix it. Once safety is restored, then we can return to engaging in the conversation. 

 

Master my stories

     What happens if we are letting emotions lead us astray because we are stuck in strong negative emotions such as silence or violence? In that case, Patterson et al. (2012), states that we must retrace our path and notice our behavior by getting in touch with our feelings, analyzing our stories, and getting back to the facts. 

 

STATE my path

     According to Patterson et al. (2012), after mastering our stories by retracing our steps and self-reflecting on our emotions, we must STATE our path in order to begin the conversation again. 

 

Share facts: Make sure to start with the least controversial topic and avoid opinions. 

Tell your story:  Explain the conclusions you have drawn from the facts you have shared.

Ask for the other person’s path or story: Make sure to encourage others to share their story and their facts. 

Talk tentatively: Make sure to avoid demands and be direct but respectful. 

Encourage testing: The goal is to make sure that everyone feels safe enough to be able to share their thoughts and feelings openly. 

​

Explore other paths

     Once we have stated our path it is time to LISTEN. We must be able to explore other paths by listening to others’ stories and points of view. We must also make sure to ask, mirror, paraphrase, and prime in order to help restore safety and continue meaningful dialogue.

 

Move to action

     Now that we have followed all the principles of mastering crucial conversations we must move the conversation to a united action in order to avoid violated expectations and inaction. We must decide how we will arrive at a decision, whether it is by command, consulting, voting, or consensus. Lastly, as Patterson et al. (2012), states we must finish clearly by making sure we know who does what by when and holding them accountable to their commitments. 

     Change is hard, especially when stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions start to run strong. In order to bring about change in our organization, crucial conversations must take place. After learning the 7 Principles to Master Crucial Conversations , we can confidently meet with our school leaders  and staff and begin having the crucial conversations needed to implement the change we seek. 

​

​

​

​

​

​

 

​

​

​

​

​

​

 

​

​

​

​

References

Camp, J (2010, November 10). Friedman’s theory of differentiated leadership made simple. [YouTubeVideo] Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgdcljNV-Ew 

 

Patterson, K., Granny,J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial conversation tools for talking when stakes are high. Columbus, OH: McGraw-Hill.

 

Sinek, S. [Tedx Talks]. (2009, September 29). Start with why -- how great leaders inspire action | Simon Sinek | TEDxPugetSound [Video]. YouTube.

     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4ZoJKF_VuA&list=RDLVu4ZoJKF_VuA 

​

​

​

​